Lessons Learned From You

The following is a list of lessons I’ve learned from my father.

1. Choose love and forgiveness over fear and punishment.
2. Be good to those around you and spread happiness and laughter whenever possible.
3. Don’t ever expect a hand out, rather work hard for what you want and you can achieve it. You won’t really appreciate what you didn’t work for, nor will you be happy inside.
4. Be quick to admit your wrongs, don’t ever let pride get in the way of a relationship, and say sorry when you’ve messed up.
5. Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but giving your love and all to one woman makes your love special and adds value to your relationship. So, don’t ever cheat and don’t let your eyes wander.
6. Family is always first.
7. But family isn’t always necessarily those that share your blood, but rather who you make your family.
8. Tell the people you love, that you do, often, and make sure they know.
9. Don’t say or do things you can’t take back.
10. Be content with what you have, but know that there’s more so that you are alert and hungry. There’s a thin line between complacency and wanting more to the point you’re unhappy with your life, so find that balance.
11. Everything in moderation is best. (Some restrictions may apply.)
12. Be humble, for there is always someone out there that’s better than you in anything and everything.
13. Do your best in anything that you do.
14. You have to take responsibility for your life and your actions. It is no one else’s fault ever.
15. Love yourself, then you will be happy.
16. A child’s (or a person’s) confidence and self-esteem is nurtured by family. Having a good family makes all the difference in the world.
17. Go jogging and challenge yourself even when your body is dreading it. It’ll clear your mind and you will feel a sense of accomplishment.
18. Honor and respect those that came before you.
19. Live your life so that when it is time to depart from this world, that people will remember you and your legacy will be that you have changed the world for the better.
20. Say goodbye to all those that mattered before you go.

The funny thing about lessons is that they can be taught by words, by example, or by being the anti-example. In fact, I learned a lot of lessons in my life by watching people and their mistakes, and those people showed me what not to do in life. Sadly, most of the lessons you taught me were by being the anti. I learned a lot from you.

I don’t hate you, but honestly, I don’t miss you either.

I don’t know what the afterlife has in store for you, but may you rest in peace and if there is life after death, may you become a better person than you were here.

Jeremy

Random Thoughts While Spending Too Much Time On The Internet At Work

1. Someone needs to give Michael Jordan some Visine real quick. His eyes are always yellow and glazed af.
2. Why does Complex hate J. Cole so much? I saw their new top 20 rappers in their 20’s list, and he wasn’t on there, but Azealia Banks was #11 and Young Thus was in the top 5. #lostforwords *EDIT* Just realized that J. Cole might not be in his twenties anymore. I checked and he turned 30 this year… Sorry Complex.
3. I read somewhere that the Philadelphia Eagles play “Back to Back” the Meek Mill diss from Drake during practice. Seriously, Meek is losing on all ends.
4. I heard “It G Ma” the remix, and in all honesty, I think Keith Ape sounds the best, even though I have no idea what he’s saying more than half the time. I am fluent in Korean and English, yet I have no idea what the hell he’s saying. But regardless, he has the best vibe and energy for that track.
5. So there is this new meme generator online that’s originally inspired from the term (and movie) “Straight Outta Compton.” All I know is Black Twitter has no chill but the results are almost always hilarious. See Below:
6. I wish we invested in our talents and bettering ourselves for the future rather than spending time getting fucked up and investing in our bad habits while we were younger.
7. When pay day lands on Monday, it helps.
8. When pretty girls have a low self-image of themselves, it bewilders me. Like, when they’re actually pretty and they actually think they’re not. I’m starting to question mirrors but more so this retarded society that got that untrue thought in these girls’ heads and these girls that listen to them.
9. I learned that I am a lot stronger than I knew as a person. Not physical strength obviously. I’ve been through some real rough shit looking back, and always came out okay and not more damaged than before.
10. If we keep it 8 more than 92 than most of you are all followers and dick-riders, and have no real opinions or originality. #justsaying

I really need to travel more

Selling Out

In my last post, I mentioned something about how we all sold out.

Let me explain in detail what I actually meant.

I have a steady job and make a decent living. It’s not as much as I’d like nor does it enable me to live the life I want. However, my bills are paid and there’s a roof over my head, I get to eat the food I want and even save a little every month.

There were moments when I would receive my electronically and automatically transferred paycheck into my account and feel genuinely sad. If I could describe the feeling in words, it felt as though I had climbed a tall mountain and was handed some water and food, but looked up and saw that I had to climb another mountain all over again. That feeling.

The amount is above average for this county’s standards. I didn’t calculate how much I actually make per hour, but whatever that amount is, it’s not enough.

It’s not enough because if you were to ask me to put a monetary value on my time, that dollar amount I actually get paid would be laughable in comparison.

This is life, and as far as we know, we get one shot at it. Time is the one thing that is constant and we have no control over. It keeps moving forward like locomotive train on its tracks headed somewhere far. Now, for me to spend that time doing something I necessarily don’t want to do, and put all my effort and focus into it, and then be rewarded with that dollar amount per hour, to me, isn’t enough.

If my job was something I loved doing and I felt like I was born to do, that dollar amount honestly wouldn’t matter. It could be less, but it would arouse my passion and have a motivated me working towards a goal.

So why are you at your job, doing whatever it is you do? WHY?

Good question.

The answer is life. Life in civilization costs money. I don’t have parents to fall back on, nor do I have any loving or wealthy relatives that would give me handout, not that I would want it. If I don’t work then my bills aren’t paid and the roof over my head would slowly disappear. I don’t have enough saved up to stop working for a while to work on another endeavor that I might be actually interested in. So in a way, I’m trapped, and I’m a slave.

For most common people, this is a relatable reality. Some people, more than others, accepted this as a part of life and have found content. I can’t seem to do that. I can for moments or for short periods of time, but this feeling of discontent faithfully returns like the night.

The second part of my answer to the question is that I’m really not sure what I want to do. I thought it was music for a long time. But I came to terms with the fact that although I’d love to do it, I lack the talent, motivation, and youthfulness to make a successful career out of it.

Time is against me and I’m literally racing the clock. I do feel that if I don’t take a big risk and put my all into something soon, I’ll always work under somebody and be paid in water and food with another mountain to climb. I don’t want that.

Because I haven’t figured out what I really want to do with my life, I have come to the conclusion I would like to finish school for now to help me determine what I can do and want to do. The only problem is, again, life. I have bills always stacking up and need money to knock the stack down. To get money, I need a job. A job requires a lot of time and effort.

For me personally, yes, I have accepted that I have sold out for a steady and safe check every month. I hate to judge others and put them in the same basket, but the reality is that the majority of middle class people have done the same thing.

I  really wonder why I was put on this earth for, and if I can break out of this vicious enslaving cycle to fulfill that calling.

I hope I have the wit and the balls to find and act on that calling should it present itself.

Ramblings

1. After a certain point you have accept that satisfaction is temporary and you are always going to want what you can’t have. 

2. The only way to truly accept the above is to appreciate what you got. 

3. Dogs are the shit. If you don’t like dogs, IDFWU

4. And the weather’s so breezy, man, why can’t life always be this easy. 

5. She in a mirror dancing so sleazy. 

6. I’ve been writing to my friend in jail and he’s been writing me back. I can’t imagine how hard it is for him with all that time over his head. Keep your head up man. 

7. A thug changes, love changes, and best friends become strangers. 

8. I can’t help but feeling like most of us are sell outs. Will elaborate in another post. 

9. When I watch Game of Thrones and hear all their family names, I can’t help but think the surrname Kardashian would fit right in. 

10. Shout out to that friend that always sees you like a bag of gold. Tupac voice: you are appreciated. 

Didn’t I

I made you cry, didn’t I 

I made you question life, didn’t I

I made the weather seem colder, with no leaning shoulder, saying when is it over, didn’t I 

I made the person looking out of the mirror seem uglier, didn’t I

I made you feel abandoned, asking how did this happen, didn’t I 

I made the colors go dull, and your tastebuds go numb, didn’t I

But I told you nothing lasts forever, didn’t I

I told you all good things come to an end, didn’t I

I told you my issues with commitment, didn’t I

But I gave you all of me while I was there with no withholding, didn’t I

I surprised you with kindness and love like nobody has ever before, didn’t I

I knew you and appreciated all your flaws and imperfections, didn’t I

I made you forget your fears and insecurities, didn’t I

I kissed you passionately and gently, as if it would be your last time, everytime, didn’t I

I told you to remember these times, didn’t I

I told you how soon we forget and though I can do no wrong in your eyes now, there will be a turning of tides, didn’t I

I told you though we wished for forever, that will happen never, we just hope for the better, didn’t I

I told you I love you and meant it, didn’t I

I made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, didn’t I 

But with my goodbye, I made you cry, didn’t I

Majid Jordan- Forever

I really like this guy’s music. Btw, he’s not the black dude in the video. He’s a white boy, I think.

Last Thought 13

Please focus

Unconditional Love

One of my favorite 2pac songs. I never get sick of this one, listen to it every now and again.

Enjoy

This is a Song for my Haters

(The title is borrowed from a song from J. Cole)

I cannot say I have a lot of people that hate on me, but I do know of a few. The problem with the ppl that hate on me aka my haters, for lack of a better term, is that they are close to me or obligated to be close (at least in appearance) by relationship, which makes them not very upfront and they hide the fact they wish ill will upon me. I’m sure its a mixed feeling on their part, of both a strange love and hate, and partially their pride won’t let them admit their shallow feelings. My problem with this is that they become crafty and snake-like, not to mention very smart, and their intentions with a lot of things gets blurry, but I can clearly see their enjoyment when bad things happen to me, and also, they often take the opposing side, whoever or whatever it may be and fail to have my back when anyone else would. Unfortunately, some of these people I do love and care for and am stuck with for life. I am just venting I suppose and perhaps the people that I am thinking of will see this and be offended and get defensive immediately within their minds. All I can say is that actions always speak louder than words. And yours, have been yelling the same message for quite some time.